chicago

Distance seems to be a pleasant torture-

the kind that we endure with a constant

sharp 

and cruel 

pain.

For the sake of desire.

Changing my perception is only enough to keep me

from seeing you at the borderline.

Never enough to stop the knife in my gut from twisting

But if i tuck my head under the weight of the truth

i can barely even see you-

until I come back up for a breathe of air

Then the welling in my stomach moves up to my chest and I still cannot breathe-

because the realization that I am not with you

is more toxic than holding my breath waiting for you to return.

Detoxification spews from my eyes

and it rolls down my face but I am still silent

For loving you- and you loving me

is just enough to get me by

I find solace that I have you

at a distance

rather than not have you

at all.